Lo and behold, the start of the Barclay’s Premier League is upon us yet again. So, text your friends, family, and work colleagues, create that annoying Whatsapp group, and kick-start your inappropriately named mini league.

“A World of Fantasy”

Charlie Mills (23 July 2021)

Starting a Fantasy Premier League (FPL) team is never easy. That’s for sure.

On the one hand, there will be those of us who have never played before; not only might you have to learn the basics of the sport itself, but you will also have to familiarise yourself with a whole new language: Fantasy Jargon. You will have to come to terms with ‘wildcards’, ‘free hits’, and ‘bench boosts’ as well as ‘Scout selections’ and maximizing those ‘differentials’. Lost you already? Long story short, it can make a simple game seem very complicated.

On the flip side, there are the veterans. Aside from improving upon last season’s performance, your most demanding task is creating yet another mildly comical pun for your team name. And this season, you will have to be savvier than ever with your wordplay as FPL have put some autobot agents in place to stop us hooligans from being rude – what a Saka Shite. Call me “soft” but this is probably a wise move given that we now live in an age plagued by keyboard warriors. Remember, funny doesn’t have to correlate with offensive.

Next up, team selections. A starting eleven seems easy enough, but a squad of fifteen, a bench, a captain, and a budget? Blimey. Get me answering emails and taking training then this is gradually becoming my full-time job.

You’ll soon find out that your biggest rival is not actually your cousin or that annoying mate (we all have one), instead, it is your budget – that measly £100 million. Luckily, in the world of Fantasy Football, your money will go further than one life-sized, short-shorted Jack Grealish. We’ve all dreamt of being multi-millionaires and how we would split our Euromillions funds – five million to the parents, significantly less to your siblings, but what about your grandparents? Aunties? Uncles? Friends? Charity? Try splitting the pot across a group of fifteen Premier League players. It all adds up. Bruno Fernandes, KDB, Salah and Kane look good but that’s your lot. Somehow, you must field eleven more.

But why do we do it? Tearing our hair out throughout the season, every season. That’s if you haven’t forgotten or lost interest by Christmas. Is it for bragging rights? Monetary incentive? Something to talk about at work? Something to scroll rather than Instagram or that TikTok crap? Is it for a better understanding or simply out of love for the beautiful game? We all have our differences – and our teams are testament to this – yet we are all in it together, drafting our squads in preparation for what promises to be an exciting season ahead.

So, enjoy the ride FPL managers and good luck.